


Insomnia

by GreyMichaela



Series: One-Shots [18]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gabriel is secretly a sap, M/M, Song Lyrics, angsty like whoa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 09:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4600875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyMichaela/pseuds/GreyMichaela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam can't let himself sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insomnia

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a lovely Nonny on Tumblr who requested insomniac!Sam and Gabriel singing him to sleep. I _might_ have gone a little overboard on the angst, but I regret nothing.

Sam couldn’t sleep after he came back from hell.

Every time he closed his eyes, hellfire flashed through his mind. Michael and Lucifer, tearing each other to ribbons, healing instantly, only to fling themselves back into the fray as Adam and Sam cowered in the corner, praying the archangels wouldn’t notice them.

No such luck, sadly, and Sam wasn’t the only one that had suffered. Michael was just as enraged at his predicament as Lucifer, and Adam’s screams haunted Sam’s dreams.

His eyes drifted shut again and he jerked his head up, rubbing his face with the heels of his hands.  _If I sleep, I bleed_.

Maybe he could find a doctor, con a sleeping scrip out of them. If they didn’t take one look at him and institutionalize him.

Sam stood up and began to pace.  His room wasn’t very big, and his bed took up most of it.  _Four and a half paces width-wise, six length-wise._   Back and forth. He diverted his brain briefly by placing his feet in careful precision, heel to toe, but before long, he staggered off-course and sat down hard.

His vision was blurring.  Not a good sign.

A cold shower would help.

When he opened his door, Gabriel was standing in front of him.  Sam stepped around him without blinking, heading for the bathroom. He could hear Gabriel’s feet slapping softly on the concrete floor as he followed him.

“You’re not real,” Sam said to his hands as he turned on the water.

A tired sigh from Gabriel.  “Saying that doesn’t make it so, kiddo.”  God, Gabriel sounded as exhausted as Sam felt.  Sam was so tempted to turn to him, take him in his arms, kiss him the way he’d dreamed of doing as far back as Crawford College, if he was being honest with himself.

“Why don’t you?” Gabriel said, his voice just loud enough to be heard over the spray of the water.

Sam hadn’t realized he’d spoken aloud, but then, maybe he hadn’t. His hallucination of Lucifer hadn’t needed Sam to speak either to get inside his head.  Or out of his head.  Sam cut off the slightly hysterical giggle that tried to slip from his throat and shoved his pajama pants down.  Let the product of his overwrought, sleep-deprived mind ogle his ass all he wanted—it wasn’t like he was real.

Gabriel sighed again as Sam stepped under the spray of water, but he said nothing as Sam soaped himself up and turned his face to the shower head and closed his eyes.

Maybe his hallucination would be gone when he opened his eyes.

Gabriel was sitting on the sink, kicking his heels, when Sam looked up, and he smiled at him.  Sam glared and rinsed himself quickly.

“Don’t talk to him,” he reminded himself.  “That’s how Lucifer got his foothold.  Just… talk to yourself.  Who cares if your hallucination thinks you’re crazy?”  He dried off and wrapped the towel around his hips before shuffling back down the hall toward his room.

Why was it so quiet?  All he could hear was his own breathing, the quiet rumbling of the bunker’s ancient air conditioners and Gabriel’s gentle humming, the sound oddly soothing.

Sam got dressed quickly and stepped back into the hall.  “Dean?” His voice echoed oddly, and Sam shivered. “Cas?”  There was still no answer.

“They’re not here, Sam,” Gabriel said, no trace of teasing in his voice. It unsettled Sam, made an uneasy ball in the pit of his stomach, and he spun away to hurry for the kitchen.

Dean and Castiel weren’t there, and Baby was gone from outside the bunker. Sam bolted back inside and dashed for his bedroom and cellphone.  It rang and rang, but no one answered. 

 _They’re dead_ , his mind howled. _They’re dead, and you’re all alone, just you and the manifestation of the angel you fell in love with but never had the guts to tell. It’s all your fault, Sam, they died because of you, because they_ trusted _you._

Sam sank to the floor, covering his head with his arms as his phone clattered to the floor.  He was only dimly aware of the strong arms that gathered him up, pulling him into a lap that smelled of wild mountain heather and ozone-heavy air just before a lightning strike.

“It’s all my fault,” Sam sobbed as Gabriel rocked him back and forth, crooning wordlessly into his hair.  “They’re dead. They’re _dead_ , and I’m alone, I’m—”

Gabriel’s arms tightened around him.  “Sam. They’re not dead. This was… it was too much for Cas, he couldn’t heal you and it was tearing him apart, trying. I told him to take Dean and get him out of here.  _Listen_ to me, Sam.  I’ve been trying to get through to you for three days now. Please, sweetheart, just listen to me, can you do that?”

Sam swallowed a hiccupping sob.  What did it matter, anyway?  If he _was_ dead, he’d ended up in worse places. And so far Gabriel hadn’t hurt him once. Hadn’t even touched him, in fact, before this moment.  He closed his eyes and nodded against Gabriel’s shirt.

He felt Gabriel’s mouth brush his hair. 

“That’s my brave Sam,” Gabriel murmured.  “Now then. I pulled your soul out of hell in tatters, Sam.  It was more slivers and shreds than it was whole.  I… did what I could. I gave you as much of my Grace as I could, knitted your soul back together and shoved it back inside your body. I know it was a shock, coming back like that, and I’m sorry.  Archangels aren’t… built for finesse.  We’re all about the shock and awe, you know?”

The calm flow of words was soothing Sam, his breath steadying out as he listened, and he clung to Gabriel’s shirt, twining his fingers in the placket, saying nothing.

Gabriel pressed another kiss to his hair.  “Dean tried for a week to get through to you after you first woke up. You kept saying he was a hallucination, that you were dreaming, that none of this was real.  Do you remember any of that?”

Sam lifted a shoulder minutely.  He wasn’t sure he did or not.  Confusing images blurred together in his mind, a flash of vibrant green, hands gripping his shoulders, a voice raised in frustration and anger until Sam took refuge in his own mind, falling back into nightmare-laced oblivion.

“Fair enough,” Gabriel said, amusement shading his voice the barest amount. “Dean was about to go nuts himself, so I told Cas to tie him up and _gag_ him, if necessary—and it probably was, knowing your loudmouthed brother—and get him the hell out of Dodge.  He’s probably shouted himself hoarse at poor Cas by now, which hopefully means Cas will have had a chance to kiss him properly.”

Sam sagged a little more against Gabriel’s frame, somehow disappointed. Of course his hallucination knew about Dean and Castiel’s epic love affair, since he came from Sam’s mind.

Gabriel sighed again and began to sing, fingers combing the hair off Sam’s face.

_New love is not best love_

_Pull me down and rough me up_

_I'll fall with my arms up_

_With my eyes open_

_I won't give it up_

His voice was raw with emotion, and that startled Sam into listening to the words. He slid his thumb across the button closest to him as Gabriel sang.

_Don't speak now, it breaks the spell_

_You're a good one baby, I can tell_

Gabriel took an unsteady breath and Sam shifted his weight, objecting to the pause. “Gimme a second,” Gabriel managed. “Kinda baring my soul to you here.”

Sam subsided and Gabriel resumed.

_All this time I was running blindly_

_I wanna see you on the other side_

_So come and find me_

_Rest your head_

_You can lay beside me_

_You'll never have another lonely night_

_As far as I see_

Sam thought vaguely that he could hear instrumentals swelling behind the soft melody of Gabriel’s voice.  He felt warm and relaxed, cradled safe and content in Gabriel’s arms.

_Flesh and bone_

_Perfect soul_

_Time flies and you grow cold_

_Where's the feeling burning red and gold_

_Bring back the swirling head_

_The weightless body that you thought was dead_

Gabriel stopped again briefly and Sam made a wordless noise of protest. “Do you know what it did to me?” Gabriel whispered.  “Seeing your soul in tatters like that?  It wrecked me, Sam. That _your_ soul should be ripped to shreds in that way, you, the brightest star in my sky.”

“ _Sing_ ,” Sam begged.

“Right,” Gabriel said, huffing warm, shaky laughter against Sam’s hair. “Sentiment later, sorry.” He took another deep breath.

_I'm not giving up on this_

_Lips reminding me of our first kiss_

“I wanted to kiss you with Dean standing there, his face stuffed full of chocolate, looking like a damn squirrel,” Gabriel confessed.

Sam’s eyes were closed but he smiled, remembering.

_All this time I was running blindly_

_I wanna see you on the other side_

_So come and find me_

_Rest your head_

_You can lay beside me_

_You'll never have another lonely night_

_As far as I see_

The music was back, building in the background, and Sam relaxed even more, still keeping his fingers twined in Gabriel’s placket.

_All this time I was running blindly_

_I wanna see you on the other side_

_So come and find me_

The music fell away in one final soft harmony.

“Come and find me, Sam,” Gabriel whispered.

Sam snuffled a quiet sigh and fell asleep.

 

When he woke up, he was tucked into bed, Gabriel lying on his side next to him, watching Sam’s face with what might have been an unnerving intensity to anyone else.

“You’re real,” Sam croaked, his mouth dry.

Relief filled Gabriel’s face and he blinked rapidly to hide the tears but one spilled down his cheek anyway.  “Hey, you,” he managed.

Sam reached up and thumbed the tear away.  “Big, bad archangel crying?” he teased, his voice shaky.  “What happened… to the shock and awe?”  He brushed his thumb across Gabriel’s lips, holding his eyes.

“Used most of it up putting you back together,” Gabriel whispered, warm breath tickling Sam’s skin.

“Then I guess you’d better kiss me properly,” Sam murmured, scooting a little closer.

“I guess I’d better,” Gabriel said, and obeyed.

 

_I wanna see you on the other side_

_So come and find me_

**Author's Note:**

> The song is Flesh and Bone, by The Pierces, from their album Creation. I can't recommend it highly enough. (Their song Kings on that album is also very Sabrielly and will give you all the feels.)


End file.
